Sunday, March 18, 2007

2nd Annual, My Thoughts As I Had Them During the Oscars

Sorry for the lateness of this blog, one might almost say it is pointless now, but I'm putting it up for posterity.  Otherwise, next year, I won't be able to call it the Third Annual My Thoughts as I Had Them During The Oscars.

So, without further ado (is that how you spell that?)...
Ellen's starting off nicely, and with an Al Gore joke, I wonder how many of those there are going to be tonight.

Hey, it's Ellen's mom.  I've met her.

BOO!! BOO!! Daniel Craig.  Where did all the Daniel Craig haters go.  Before the movie they were everywhere, now you never hear from them.  I'm the lone voice.  Daniel Craig is not Bond.  I wonder if he's going to pause before he announces the winner.  He doesn't when he says Bond James Bond.

Pan's Labyrinth.  It was a beautifully shot film.

The good thing about watching the Oscar's on "tape delay" last year is that I didn't have to watch the damn commercials.  Remember when commercials for this thing were good?  Remember when commercials for the Super Bowl were good?

Will Farrell.  It's already funny and he hasn't even done anything yet.

Sweet, Jack Black.  Could this get any better?

Just did, John C. Reilly has joined them.  Genius.

Okay, I could turn off the TV now, it won't get any better then that bit.   Man, those guys are funny.

2 for 2 for Pan's Labyrinth.  Why didn't this film get a best pic nod?

How many names did the Fresh Prince give this kid?

Okay, animated shorts, I haven't seen any of them, but from what they just showed I can tell you what won't win.

And it just won.  Maybe it's better if you see the whole thing, but that animation looked pretty crappy.  Oh, who am I to talk, I can't draw.  I wonder if I can win an Oscar with a stick figure animated short?

"Stick-to-it've-ness"  Is that really a word?  Good speech, though, even with the made up word.

Damn.  More commercials.

Okay...  This is weird, I'm not gonna lie.  A special effects choir?  I don't get it.  When everyone complains that the Oscars are too long, do we really need time wasters such as special effects choirs?

Wow, they found two seconds of Mark Walberg dialogue without curse words in it.  Impressive.

Alan Arkin was by far the best part about this film.

More weird stuff going on, interpretive dancers becoming a penguin?  What is the world coming to?

I could really do without the song performances.

Please tell me they aren't going to do all five in a row.

A line in that song was "I think I need to break up."  What the hell does that have to do with the environment, Mellissa?  Couldn't think of anything else to rhyme with "wake up", could ya?  Or did you just write the song in like five minutes?

Thank goodness, a break from the songs.

That was funny.  If Al Gore had been this funny six years ago, W and his team wouldn't have been able to steal the election.

"Maybe you should have uglier friends"  Nice.

Already positioning to win best Animated Feature next year, Shrek the 3rd.

WHAT?  Happy Feet?  I mean Cars wasn't as good as some of the other Pixar films from the past, but it has to be better then Happy Feet.  Oh my, that guy actually looks like a penguin.  Am I the only one who thinks the penguin thing is getting way over done?

This guy just said three major surprises.  I'll give him Happy Feet, but I wasn't at all surprised by Alan Arkin, and don't you have to actually see the Animated Shorts in order to be surprised by which one wins.  I'm just saying.

Ohh.  The Wes Anderson AmEx commercial.  I apologize for everything bad I said about having to watch the commercials.  The brilliance of this one makes up for all the other crappy ones.

Tom Cruise.  Did anyone bring a couch for him to jump around on?

Ellen is doing a great job.  And who wouldn't want Spielberg to take the picture?

Did you hear that huge cheer Children of Men got?  Way louder then the other nominees.  People really loved this movie, justifiably so.

And Pan's is 3 for 3.  The only thing more of a lock for a win is Hellen Mirren.

Pirates.  Humph.  The only good thing about this movie was the effects.  Too bad they couldn't create a storyline to go with them.  Hee hee.  That one made me laugh.  Bad form Josh, laughing at your own jokes.

Hey, they brought back the blind kid from the Bronx bit that Ellen did earlier, nice.

Holy Shit.  Now THIS  is a surprise.  Pan's was 3 for 3 coming in and it doesn't win Best For. Film?  Did not see that coming at all.

Ah, Jerry doing comedy.  All is right with the world again.

Al Gore finally won!  Take that W.

God, I hate Celine Dion.

Did they just say "Volverine"  Tell me that I misheard that.

Pan's is in a slump.  Now 3 for 5, 0 for it's last 2.  (man I miss Baseball.)

Well, no clues.  Both Departed and Little Miss Sunshine won in their respective screenplays.

Pan a big winner?  Yeah it has 3 Oscars, but it missed out on the big one it was up for and is now 0 for it's last 3, I don't like this behind the scenes guy.

Let me guess.  We have to hear 3 straight songs.

Well, at least these songs are good.  I still have nightmares from 3 6 Mafia.

Did that commercial just show Ally McBeal with Sam Seaborn?  Weird.

A lot of introspectives this year.

Sweet, Thelma!!  That makes me feel better about Marty's chances.

Hey, Jodie Foster.  She also got her start thanks to Martin Scorsese.

Damn it, this part always makes me cry.

Scotty died?  How did I miss that?  I will refrain from the "Beam me up" joke in honor of his memory.

What?  Now Sam Seaborn just said he's a Republican?  What the hell show is this commercial for?

Anti-climactic much?  They should have just given Helen Mirren the award at the beginning of the show.

I find myself really rooting for Peter O'Toole.  There have been bigger surprises tonight.

Oh well, Congrats Forrest.  Let's see how the speech goes.  He's been getting ridiculed for the ones he's given thus far.

Wow, along with Jennifer Hudson's, I have to say that might be the best of the night.

These are the reasons I want to make movies, right there on stage.  (Mainly Lucas, I'm sure that's why they included him.)
Drumroll.  I am so nervous right now.  Come on Marty!


I'm currently envisioning a blue see-through Jedi-like Alfred Hitchcock and Stanley Kubrick up on stage with Copella, Spielberg, Lucas, and Scorsese.  The greatest Directors of all time in one place.

I'm crying.  I'm so happy for him right now.  I really hope Departed wins.

YES, again!!!

Look Spielberg is congratulating Marty for beating him, that's awesome.

Good Oscars.

Until Next Time, it's nice to see that occasionally, the films that deserve to win Oscars do.

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